The trails of a runner are of the mind. Sure its a physical demanding sport but the true battleground is in the mind. While running countless miles. You encounter a deep gloom, its peaceful and frightening. I like to think that the mind of a runner is like that of a crucible. Burning away all but the truest essence, leaving raw emotions and an experience that is as close to death as one cares to go.
I myself have unique thoughts when running. Though the profound and often bizzarre ones may cause someone to commit me. I shall share a few of my thoughts, thoughts profoundly deep and meaningful to me.
I like to think that my inner mind is a large dimly lit chapel with a large fountain in the middle. That fountain symbolizes my inner power, my drive, my focus. In years past I once knew the fountain to be bursting with energy and extreme strength. As the years went on and i stopped running to deal with more pertainant issues at the time, Its strength began to waver. Slowly Darkness crept into my chapel. My mind became shadowed with darkness. And the Fountain almost faded completely. Out of that darkness of my mind was born the warrior i now call Dark Jack. and as i progress through my often very dark filled life he offered wisdom and strength. He is now ive come to realize my reason. The blunt side of my mind. He protected my inner soul from the ravages that came with the darkness of the past years.
Then came Light Jack, He provided hope, and courage to rise above the darkness, to my halls he brought an inner light a forced peace to my mind. And with his courage I began to build back my life, bringing my thoughts to how i should be.
And finally came balance between the Courage, And Wisdom and Strength. Red Jack the neutral minded one offering a different perception on the world around me.
And now as i prepare for my newest challenge I have felt a great influx of inner strength. A symphony of sorts that my spirit has never heard before.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sunday, December 18, 2011
This i hold this to be true.
Its been nearly three months since my last post sorry.... been dealing with stuff. First of all i think im finally coming to peace with myself. Which is good, There is still the usually dark whispers but ive found a new strength and thats in myself, and my friends.
On Another note. Ive realized the old saying of the first love is the hardest. This I hold to be true, within a shadow of a doubt that love does suck ass!!!!! Its been almost 5mths since my last boyfriend. He took me to the darkest point in my life. Though i willingly went along with him on the ride. I met many people some I believe were generally good, but in a dark place others, not so much, they were shadey.
I think i finally found the light side to nic. had to shatter the darkside to find him but i think its working.l though i prolly sound like a complete nutter.
On Another note. Ive realized the old saying of the first love is the hardest. This I hold to be true, within a shadow of a doubt that love does suck ass!!!!! Its been almost 5mths since my last boyfriend. He took me to the darkest point in my life. Though i willingly went along with him on the ride. I met many people some I believe were generally good, but in a dark place others, not so much, they were shadey.
I think i finally found the light side to nic. had to shatter the darkside to find him but i think its working.l though i prolly sound like a complete nutter.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Beyond a shadow of A doubt.
It 10pm... Its kinda early in the night but i have to be up at 6am but i really wanted to do a post before bed. anyways here we go.
Doubt. Is a Nasty, vile creature. Its that thing that hides in the back of your head that whispers sweet nothings about failure, and how much you suck at the world. I honestly believe most people's issues stem from they dont have enough confidence. Instead of "No I cant" all the time. Just once tell doubt to shove it where the sun dont shine and jump into head first. (Providing its a responsible situation and blah blah blah)
Another Kind of doubt stems from the past. Also known as hindsight, If you're always looking to the past for answers then the present passes you by and you miss many opportunities and thats just a shame. God, or budda or whoever created that opportunity for YOU! and by either ignoring it or jsut not noticing it, is kinda a slap in the face.
I honestly have a saying it goes like this. " Take from the past, your experiences and learn from them, and grow. but you dont belong in the past you belong here and now, In this moment in this time." I can say that ive had alot of issues living in the past. You keep thinking what could of been, or how you would have done something different.
But its in the past and you know what unless your a time travelling wizard, You cant change it. So instead turn your gaze to the present, and the future. Of how to avoid such circumstances, But dont let fear of what might happen cripple you either. If your mind wanders to the past. Kinda give it a nod in honor. But DONT DWELL. I've literally found myself yelling that at myself at times. and Its great advise.
Once you do this. its your first step, You'll notice that the world isnt as dark as you once thought. and that if it weren't for the challenges, or events of the past. You wouldnt be the beautiful wonderful, human you are today.
I want to pose a challenge to all who are reading this. Make someone smile today. infact make everyone you meet today smile. By doing this we can make the world Smile together and that would be just fabulous.
"Not all who wander are lost" J.R.R Tolkien.
Doubt. Is a Nasty, vile creature. Its that thing that hides in the back of your head that whispers sweet nothings about failure, and how much you suck at the world. I honestly believe most people's issues stem from they dont have enough confidence. Instead of "No I cant" all the time. Just once tell doubt to shove it where the sun dont shine and jump into head first. (Providing its a responsible situation and blah blah blah)
Another Kind of doubt stems from the past. Also known as hindsight, If you're always looking to the past for answers then the present passes you by and you miss many opportunities and thats just a shame. God, or budda or whoever created that opportunity for YOU! and by either ignoring it or jsut not noticing it, is kinda a slap in the face.
I honestly have a saying it goes like this. " Take from the past, your experiences and learn from them, and grow. but you dont belong in the past you belong here and now, In this moment in this time." I can say that ive had alot of issues living in the past. You keep thinking what could of been, or how you would have done something different.
But its in the past and you know what unless your a time travelling wizard, You cant change it. So instead turn your gaze to the present, and the future. Of how to avoid such circumstances, But dont let fear of what might happen cripple you either. If your mind wanders to the past. Kinda give it a nod in honor. But DONT DWELL. I've literally found myself yelling that at myself at times. and Its great advise.
Once you do this. its your first step, You'll notice that the world isnt as dark as you once thought. and that if it weren't for the challenges, or events of the past. You wouldnt be the beautiful wonderful, human you are today.
I want to pose a challenge to all who are reading this. Make someone smile today. infact make everyone you meet today smile. By doing this we can make the world Smile together and that would be just fabulous.
"Not all who wander are lost" J.R.R Tolkien.
Step One: Forget Yourself
Everything you ever knew about yourself can be shaped and molded into something beautiful. Think of life as a ball of clay and each moment, Each event shapes that ball of clay, Such as each choice you make impacts how you live.
From Chaos beauty is formed. Have you ever had that moment when in your life all seems to be falling apart, Darkness surrounds you and there is no where to turn. But at the last moment before pure destruction, You are hit with the most powerful calm you have felt, That folks is whats called a pure moment in time. when yourself and the world around you is in sync.
I had once experienced it when i was young, i experienced it alot back then, before i set out on my journey. As I recall it often happened when I was at wrestling matches. The adrenaline and raw power of being in a ring. with one goal, Out last your opponent. Often times a moment of calm came over my mind. And some ancient power infused itself with my soul, It was outstanding, Never before had i been so calm. It allowed me a focus I had never know before.
Until recently in my college years I had not experienced that feeling of calm. Nor the Power of Change that it yields, I had lost my light, my guiding path out of the darkness the past years, and fell into a Depression. It took an F5 tornado to throw me into that realm again. To continue my search for the light. To shatter the darkness. Its Strange how 15seconds. (Yep thats how long it lasted) Everything in your life is changed. Nothing is set in stone. We are fluid, ever changing, ever growing, ever learning.
Since then I've had more of an external look at my life and noticed there was a darkness so deep that surrounded it. The cause of the darkness is very much my own fault, Because I let it into my heart, where it grew and began to fester. After the tornado I was shook to the core. Changed for ever by the true raw power of nature. I call this major upset, a cornerstone. A place in my life where I have gained access to that power to change. And Changing I am, for what i Think is the better. I lost love, friends, and my self over the years. I have experienced the darkness of others, and the healing light of family and support of friends.
People have the power to change at any moment in time. The fight for change is often hard, and cuts deeply into the soul. But trust me friends it is well worth it. So step with me on this journey as we forget our former selves and forge us a new future. Lets step into the light together.
Ego non solivagus.~ You donot wander alone.
From Chaos beauty is formed. Have you ever had that moment when in your life all seems to be falling apart, Darkness surrounds you and there is no where to turn. But at the last moment before pure destruction, You are hit with the most powerful calm you have felt, That folks is whats called a pure moment in time. when yourself and the world around you is in sync.
I had once experienced it when i was young, i experienced it alot back then, before i set out on my journey. As I recall it often happened when I was at wrestling matches. The adrenaline and raw power of being in a ring. with one goal, Out last your opponent. Often times a moment of calm came over my mind. And some ancient power infused itself with my soul, It was outstanding, Never before had i been so calm. It allowed me a focus I had never know before.
Until recently in my college years I had not experienced that feeling of calm. Nor the Power of Change that it yields, I had lost my light, my guiding path out of the darkness the past years, and fell into a Depression. It took an F5 tornado to throw me into that realm again. To continue my search for the light. To shatter the darkness. Its Strange how 15seconds. (Yep thats how long it lasted) Everything in your life is changed. Nothing is set in stone. We are fluid, ever changing, ever growing, ever learning.
Since then I've had more of an external look at my life and noticed there was a darkness so deep that surrounded it. The cause of the darkness is very much my own fault, Because I let it into my heart, where it grew and began to fester. After the tornado I was shook to the core. Changed for ever by the true raw power of nature. I call this major upset, a cornerstone. A place in my life where I have gained access to that power to change. And Changing I am, for what i Think is the better. I lost love, friends, and my self over the years. I have experienced the darkness of others, and the healing light of family and support of friends.
People have the power to change at any moment in time. The fight for change is often hard, and cuts deeply into the soul. But trust me friends it is well worth it. So step with me on this journey as we forget our former selves and forge us a new future. Lets step into the light together.
Ego non solivagus.~ You donot wander alone.
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